Conflicted and Conflicts

Bonjour tout le monde

Well, it's been less than a week since I last blogged and I shouldn't have anything new to talk about, but I have a big something that is pretty monumental in terms of my exchange program. I am changing host families. 

This has been coming actually for quite sometime, but we, meaning my host family, AFS and I tried everything to make it work. It came down to basic relationships in the family and my happiness with them. The sister and I didn't get along great at all, with both of us making mistakes in the beginning and it spiraling downward with both of not really wanting to fix it unfortunately. In addition to that, I never felt like I was completely at home or a member of the family, which is not what I wanted. I tried to integrate and do things and participate, but without much success for some unknown reason to me. With all of that being said, it is time for me to move on and start fresh somewhere else with a different family. 

On Tuesday night, I will (at the time I write this) be moving out, and into a temporary family of AFS volunteers. The family I will be staying with for a few weeks until I am given a permanent family is one I am actually very excited about. The mother is an active AFS volunteer who has hosted three students in the past and I adore and get along great with. The daughter that I know is a university student in Lille who I get along fantastic with. We were making jokes and laughing hard together the whole AFS weekend. Along with those two, their are two other daughters who I don't think I will get a chance to meet, as well as the father who I have yet to meet, but I would imagine is as friendly as the two I do know. 

After AFS finds me another family, I may be able to go to the same school with a great chance that I won't be able. If that is not a possibility, they will try to find me a family in the North first, and if that truly doesn't work out, I will move to a different region of France. That, moving to a different region will be very, very difficult for a few reasons. 

1. I have to learn a new way of living in that region, which isn't too big of a problem, but it is a minor difference in culture. 

2. I will be leaving all of my friends from school. If I change schools and stay in the north this will also happen, but I will be able to see them on occasion because of reasonable distance and such. 

3. AFS. I have found a family with the AFS exchange students here in the north. This past weekend, I have bonded with each one and I care about each one and want them to excel and do amazing things here in France. If I change regions, I will have to leave this group and join a different AFS chapter, which would be exciting and unsettling at the same time. 

I hope I will be able to stay close to where I started, if so, I will be very happy. That's all I have to say for now. I will write about everything else as it happens. 

Fast forward to Wednesday night at 10:00. I have just finished my first evening with my temporary family, or at this point, temporary mom. Tonight, it was just her and me and it was great. But before I get to that, lets start at the very beginning, I find that to be a good place to start. 

I get home at 5:00 and have a snack with my at the time host brother and sister... So much tension at that table it was crazy. I ended up getting a call from one of contact people from AFS who told me that she along with my liaison (yes, a lot of people I can talk to) were coming to pick me up somewhere from 6-7. That meant I didn't have much time to finish packing, which I promptly did. After that, I got a message from my sister, which I hate and love you for, saying that everyone at home was thinking about me and that started me putting into the emotional distressed state of life, which everyone knows once it starts, it doesn't just stop. So pretty much I was an emotional wreck from about 5:20 to 6:45 when I had been picked up and been on the road for a few minutes. 

After I got into the emotional distress caused by my sister, thanks again, I got a call from my at-the-time host dad. He was stuck at work and he wouldn't be able to make it home to say good bye with the rest of the family. So I had to say good bye and thank him for everything on the phone... Swell. I didn't feel like I got my point across of how thankful I was to him which makes me a little sad. 

About thirty minutes later, the people AFS arrived and we talked for a little bit before putting all of my belongings in the car and saying my goodbyes. Everyone actually looked truly sad that I was leaving, which made me even more emotional. It was hard saying good bye, harder than I thought it would be. I realized that in that moment that they took me in and tried to integrate a total stranger into their family. In that time, yes both of us made mistakes and were incompatible for living together, but that they truly cared about me and my well being. That was what made the goodbye that much harder. 

After we left and drove away, we had a good time talking, the AFS people and I, in French. It also helps knowing that they were both exchange students and know what I am feeling, even with the very different experiences. When we arrived at my temporary host family's home, I was warmly greeted by an AFS volunteer who I knew from past weekends and I got along great with. She brought us into the living room and we talked about things, they talked while I did a lot of listening, while eating some nuts and berries which were phenomenal. 

After the tow AFS people who brought me left, my new host mom had me unload the dishwasher as she finished dinner. It was an amazing pumpkin soup with a random assortment of other vegetables with a little bit of peanut butter because why not? After we were done eating, we talked about the rules to the house and such and such. I was actually really appreciative of how understanding she was of absolutely everything from the language to reexplaining things slowly until I could understand. 

After that it was time for bed and sleepy sleepy time yadda yadda. 

Then this morning I woke up at 6:30, which is typical for me so not really a change their. The biggest change about school is that it takes about twenty minutes by driving which she will do in the morning, and then to come home, it will be about an hour because I will be taking the bus and then switching to the metro along with walking. 

So today was my first day taking the bus in France, ever. So I was a little confused and worried I was going to take the wrong bus, or take the right bus in just the wrong direction. Luckily now, I know exactly what bus I am taking. My school is on the corner or a round-about with about 5 different bus routes to take the student home various ways. My first problem was actually finding the right line, and then getting on that bus in the right direction. That took me about twenty minutes after school ended until I was at the right stop wiring for my bus. I got on and out my ticket in the slot and waited. My bus ride, which should have been about twenty minutes ended up being 45 because I got on the bus that started going in the opposite direction... Good one Aidan. It did eventually take me to the right stop, but that freaked me out at first. 

After I am on the bus, I have to get off and walk to the metro. Sounds easy? No. The have signs saying that the metro is this way or that way, but everyone conflicts with each other which meant I had to ask people which way the metro was. That was luckily a success for me so I did find the metro, and one where I will be able to get off the bus sooner too. This was easier than the bus, because the train tells you which way it's going and you have two options to make it really easy. Once you are on the train, it even announces what the station you are stopping at is, for public transportation stupid people like me. But I made it home in one piece and happy. Two hours after I got out of school, but home. 

 

So that is my past 48 hours in a nutshell. Voila. 

I have something else that I heard today from my host mom. She is a volunteer with AFS and she said something to me that just made me sort of think hard about everything that I have done and what I will do in the future of my experience here in France and with AFS once I get home. 

She was saying their is a reason why AFS is called AFS Intercultural Programs. The language is important to live in the country of your choice, but she said it goes deeper than that. It's the culture people are coming to learn at its absolute core. Different people may have different aspects of the culture that they really want to learn, like the language or religion, but they have host families for the students to learn about the culture of the family and how the family works. Not every family in a country has the same culture, but it's a different way of living than from home. It is her job as a host mom to teach me about the culture of her home, and after that, the culture of France and how the people think and act. Along the way she will speak to me in French as it is a part of the culture of the family and the home, and she can't speak to me in English, because for one, she can't speak fluent English, and two, it wouldn't be the truth about how they live day to day life. 

She also said that when they host a student, they receive almost as much as a culture shock as the student. They may have to change the way they live their life as well to adapt to the newest member of the family. She said it is very hard to be a host family, but it is just as rewarding as being a student, learning about the home of the student and allowing them to teach you as you teach them about your culture. The mutual exchange of cultures is what is truly important here, not just learning the language, which is still important. That is why it is called AFS Intercultural Programs. 

I think that the ten minutes she was talking to me about it in French was the most valuable explanation about AFS I have gotten this far, and I will carry that ten minute conversation with me forward on my experience as well as any other interaction I have with AFS post my year abroad. I now truly know what people mean when they say that they believe in the AFS mission and goals. I believe I it too, and I believe that it is a good mission. 

So that's all for tonight. It is sort of an interesting compilation of topics so yeah. Thanks for reading and I will be back soon with more information on my current situation. Also to anyone back in the states, have an awesome Thanksgiving and stuff yourselves silly, and remember what it is you are thankful for. Truly think about what it is in your life that you value and are really thankful for. 

Good night/day/morning/afternoon/whatever everyone!!!

Au Revoir,

-Aidan

P.S. I would like to point out that as angry as I am that I went to school this morning to find out that we didn't have school and that nobody told me, it is Thanksgiving and I have the day off. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!